I feel alone... I feel like I am kinda dumped.. you know... not directly I mean but just tacitly... its like as days go by, I am loosing everyone... it s not the first time i feel that way... As I mentionned before, I moved a lot from town to town and I always had to say goodbye to my friends.. at the beginning we were keeping in touch by letter or internet but with time.. things just changed... and everybody chose their own way.. and we just stopped getting news from each other...I didn't choose anything.. it just happened to be that way ... And lately the same is happening... I feel like I'm loosing some friends that I felt very close to me.. I mean to "loose" is not the proper word... I guess " to get far " is better.. I don't obviously mean to get far in distance like the distance between 2 towns or 2 countries.. but I mean distance between 2 hearts you know... I feel like I did many bad choices lately... I thought with my head... not with my heart.. there are so many things I would have liked to do... I guess I still can.. but as time is passing by quite fast.. it's getting more and more difficult for me.. I dont want to live with regrets but I have already some...
I know that.. I'm not easy... I mean to be with... People can hardly understand me.. which is understandable since I cannot really understand myself.. I feel completely lost sometimes.. I act like I am another person... I know what people where saying about me at the Uni.. yeah Céline she is drinking till she get wasted and then she is hitting on everyone... What do you want me to answer to that.. As soon as I was talking to someone well right away people were just saying in my back she is playing with him... she is hitting on him come on it s so obvious and then as soon as things are getting serious on the men side, she is just saying that he misunderstood.... what do you want me to do.. I just wanna make friends for me it has always been natural just to talk with people.. I love to get to know people I do love that really but it doesn't mean I wana go out with everybody... I really need you guys... of course sometimes maybe I am too much I guess.. I mean not maybe... for sure I am too much... it's just because I need to be loved as anyone does.. Maybe that's why I acted sometimes with guys as if there were my boyfriends wich was completely wrong... This reflects a sad feeling right... There are some persons I want to meet so bad right now... some of those persons don't even know that.... can't know I guess.... that the worst... Cause I don't say easily what I feel... I try to make it clear sometimes but I may be kinda clumsy... But I m not a robot.. I m human ya know..
So I m not gonna deny that I don't like hugs and kisses... I just love that... I really do.. I know maybe for some of you it's gonna sound surprising to read those lines about me.. cause yeah I know.. Who knows me? tell me wat do you know about me... I m the girl who always have smile on her face right? the girl who is trying to get along with everyone, and who is desperately trying to get more friend.. the girl who is partying and drinking too much... what do you know.. you don't know anything... smiling too much doesn't mean I m happy.. actually I guess I m pissed off today for some reason.. that's why I m writing so much crap about myself... There are such a few people who really know me... and I miss them... There are also people that don't really know me and that I may not know very well but for some reason I miss them very much too..
well anyway today is a bad day.. I think I ll go to the cinema and have a drink just to try to enjoy a little bit my day.. and then the night will fall and tomorrow will be another day again....
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4 commentaires:
Alala it's look like a sad story... (I will contiunu in french, I'm a crap in english you know ! lol !). En tout cas on a causé un peu sur msn et déjà j'ai sentie que tu retrouvais un peu le moral et demain au téléphone je vais "achever la guérison" tu vas voir ;) lol !
Mais tu sais je pense que c'est pour beaucoup de monde pareil (tout le monde ça se trouve ?!) on vit avec quelques regrets on "perd" des amis avec lesquels on était assez proches, on a des mauvaises journées, les choses ne se déroulent pas toujours comme prévus, ya des gens à qui on a envie de dire des tas de trucs et ça ne sort pas ou on en a pas l'occaz (pis on finit par le regretter c'est vrai...).
En tout cas j'ai toujours fait en sorte d'avoir que des "bonnes" journées je dirais (c'est pas vraiment ça que je veux dire... au pire je préciserais demain). Enfin les journées qu'on avaient passé ensemble l'an dernier reflètent bien ce que je veux dire !!
とにかく、幸せにしてて下さいね！！
Many many kisses and hugs (モードキスとハッグし放題オン！ハハ！)
Olalal!! mais faut vraiment que tu retrouves le moral toi!!
Je dis toujours qu'il faut relativiser.
Tous le monde passe par de mauvaise journée, des journée de doute, de regrets, de remords, etc...
Tous le monde perd ses amis, c'est normal on change, on déménage, etc.. En primaire j'avais 2 meilleurs amis, on était tout le temps ensemble, pendant pas mal de temps en plsu, une jusqu'au collège et une autre jusqu'au lycée. Bin maintenant une je ne la vois plus du tout (mais j'ai toujours des nouvelles par des intermédiaires, en plus elle passe de sales moments :( ) et l'autre je l'appelle de temps en temps, pon se voit peut etre une fois par an, mais mm quand on se voit, ce n'est plus pareil. On a des centres d'interets différents, des amis différents, donc on peut plus être comme avant. Parfois ça me rend triste, mais on y peut rien, on grandit (vieillit maintenant :( )
Et puis personne (à part peut être nos parents) ne nous connait vraiment, car on ne dit jamais tout ce quo'n pense et ce qu'on ressent, car c'est embarrassant, on a honte, on a peur d'être critiqué, ridiculisés, etc...
C'est le lot de tout à chacun, donc le mieux et ded tout balayer, et de faire de ton mieux comme ça vient :D
Tu devrais venir au resto, ça te changerai les idées, on rigolera bien :)
bye
je ne comprend rien en anglais mais apparement tu a le blues!!pas grave des amis on s'en refait des lieux on en voit de different certe ca remplace pas certaines personnes mais la vie continue tu es sur le bon chemin ma grande!!! fonce vis ta vie et croque a pleine dents (crois moi ca passe trop vite!!!) gros bisous
oui j ai eu un coup de blues comme on en a tous en fait.. c'est juste que mes amis commence vraiment à me manquer mais bon maintenant ca va mieux !! et puis avec ce beau soleil on ne peut qu etre de bonne humeur ;) gros bisous a vous et merci pour votre soutient !!
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